intentional living

Dress it Down

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Here’s how it goes: you buy an item for a special occasion, perhaps it’s a statement necklace, fancy dress, high heels, or power blazer. The event comes and goes and your special item returns to your closet, and you’re left wondering, will I ever wear it again? The trap we fall into is we believe we need the exact same level of event to wear it again. This item has now been elevated to special or fancy events only because this was the intention you bought it with. This can only be solved with Show Pony Summer Series Method #2: Dress it Down!

Often our intention for why we buy an item becomes mixed up with the item’s purpose. If we bought a dress for a wedding, an interview, or a birthday, we become convinced that we can only wear that item for special occasions. Since it debuted at a fancy or important event, we convince ourselves this item is special, fancy or different and warrants something fancy to come out of the closet. 

My favourite thing to do with these items is to dress them down. Sure your dress may be fancy but paired with sneakers, a scarf, and a casual cardigan no one would know it’s fancy. If your item is a pair of heels, pair them with ripped jeans. Perhaps you have a power blazer that you can contrast with sneakers. A bonus to this strategy is it helps your brain adjust to the foreign concept of wearing something fancy for a regular occasion. When you pair your fancy dress with your favourite, go-to sneakers and scarf your brain takes comfort in the familiar items and focuses less on the new item. 

Alright, you’re convinced to try dressing it down, but where to start?

First, pick your item and make an intention to wear it soon after the event. The longer you wait, the harder it will be, if possible, wear it within a week.

Second, pull out your favourite everyday staples, the ones that make you feel great. Perhaps it’s your stud earrings, your scarf, your handbag, your sneaker/Blundstone’s.

Next, have fun experimenting, you aren’t going for a certain look, you’re playing, trying, contrasting, matching, and mixing.

Fourth, wear it out of the house. 

My most recent success with this was wearing a bridesmaid dress to work, one week after the wedding. It was not your typical bridesmaid’s dress, it was from a regular clothing store and a very neutral colour. However, even though this dress didn’t scream bridesmaid, it didn’t stop my brain from screaming its resistance when I went to wear it to work. This is fancy, this should be special, what are you doing? So, I gave my brain some comfort, I paired it with my workhorse scarf, a cardigan I had worn 190303 times, and my Birkenstocks. The result? An amazing new outfit. I learned how much I love this dress, how comfortable it is, and how it swishes while I walk. I sent a pic to the bride and she was inspired to wear one of her dresses as well.

Wearing my bridesmaid dress at work, one week after the wedding

Do you have a fancy item you want to wear in your everyday life? How could you dress it down to wear it more often and to more events? Happy mixing and matching!

Photo Credit Jen Newman Photography

The 3 horsemen of your closet

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Is your favourite thing to ponder why we never use our stuff? No? Just me?

One of the things I find helpful when reflecting on why I do or don’t use certain items is putting them into categories. So, I came up with the 3 horsemen of the closet: the work horse, the show pony, and out to pasture.

Your work horses are the items you always reach for. Anything from your go to work uniform to your everyday dishes, toiletries, jewelry, and food items. There is nothing special about them, but they do the job. You love them for how they meet your needs.

How to recognize these items: 

  • They are often in the laundry
  • They are often in the dishwasher
  • This is how people would describe your style
  • This is how you spend your time
  • This is what you wear, eat, use, and enjoy 
  • They are used and enjoyed regularly

My workhorses:

  • Blundstone boots
  • Birkenstock sandals
  • Bike panier
  • All of my purses (I only have 3)
  • Fossil watch
  • Yeti mug

You have more excuses for why you don’t use them than you do memories of using them. 

These are often items we are saving for ‘someday when’. Either a special occasion (Christmas dinner), a big milestone (10 year anniversary), an external accomplishment (making partner) or a personal accomplishment (losing 50 pounds). No matter what you’re waiting for, these items always seem to stay in the cupboard, on the shelf, in the garage and are not used.

How to recognize these items:

  • They have dust on them
  • They have tags on
  • They are in their original packaging
  • These are items we often love deeply but don’t give ourselves permission to use
  • You try it on, but never leave the house in it

My show ponies:

  • Aritiza blazer
  • Embroidered dress
  • Yoga mat
  • Turkish towel
  • Red flats
  • Beaded necklace

I find the Out to Pasture items fall into 2 categories:

  1. They used to be your go to, but they’ve been overworked. They are tattered, faded, and showing their age. 
  2. They were never used. Either you bought them for your aspirational self or they were a mistake from the beginning. Either way, cut your losses and realize you do not use them, do not wish to use them, and have no plans to use them.

The Out to Pasture items are cluttering up your space, distracting from your workhorses and show ponies and overwhelming your decision making.

How to recognize these items:

  • They are at the back of your closet, bottom of your drawer, and the back of your cupboard
  • They have holes, stains, need to be repaired or past the expiry date
  • These items are never used and need to find a new home. 

My out to pasture

  • Water colours – I realized this is not my hobby of choice
  • Extra panier – I realized I prefer my workhorse panier than having the choice of two
  • Old running shoes – it was cluttering up my space and forcing me to choose everytime I went to put them on
  • Extra sunglasses – I have a quality pair of polarized sunglasses that has become my work horse only since I gave myself permission to let go of the extras.

The first step in beginning to use and enjoy your things is to recognize the categories. As you go about your day, interacting with your belongings, ask yourself ‘which category is this? Workhorse, show pony or out to pasture?

Soon I will cover the different strategies for each category, but first, happy hunting!

The Idea: what it is and what it is not

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On average we use 20% of our belongings 80% of the time. That is unbelievable to me and I am fascinated with how we can start using more of our items. I believe this is possible when we begin to see ourselves as worthy to have and use our belongings. This idea can have lots of different interpretations, here, I outline what this idea is, what it is not.

What this idea IS:

A Mindset Shift
This idea begins with your thinking, you must first see yourself as someone worthy of having nice things and using nice things. Instead of saving items for another day when you do something to feel worthy enough to use them, you use these items now.

Identifying what you are saving
This idea starts with items and belongings that are gathering dust in our closets, but it goes much further than that. What are the belongings, items, goals, and ideas that you are saving for ‘someday when?’ It may start with lighting a candle, or cutting the tags off a shirt, but soon it could lead to running a marathon or applying for a new job. Once you start seeing yourself as worthy, and knowing that ‘someday when’ isn’t coming, you start to realize the bigger things you’ve been saving.

A sustainable lifestyle
As you use everything available to you it becomes a more sustainable way to shop, dress and live. You begin to use what you have and are not constantly looking for and buying more.

A practice in abundance
Scarcity is the mindset that makes us feel unworthy, less than, and constantly looking for the item that will make us feel content. This idea shows you that there is no item that can give you abundance and contentment, it comes from the action of using your things and enjoying your life.

What this idea is NOT

Minimalism
There is no lifestyle requirement or a specific number of belongings to follow this idea. You can have 3 special items, or 3 thousand, what’s important is that you give yourself permission to use your belongings (however many there may be).

Expensive
This idea requires no purchases or orders. You are shopping your closet, rediscovering items you love and giving yourself permission to use your belongings. Put your credit cards and online shopping accounts aside. You do not need more belongings to confuse you, you need to figure out why you’re not wearing what you already own.

Wasteful
Some people argue that it’s wasteful to ruin a nice dress during everyday errands. I agree to a point, yes, sometimes we do need to make sure that our heels and dresses are in good condition when we go to a Christmas party, wedding, or birthday. However, this mentality has gotten out of hand. Why save 10 pretty dresses for occasions that happen 3 times a year? Why not wear those special items for an ordinary occasion and get that feeling every day of the year?

Judgement or a guilt trip
Sometimes when we are confronted with all the items and belongings we have been wasting for so long we can feel guilty or judged. That is not the point. Society, family, context and life have been telling you it’s better to save your best, and to keep buying things to make you feel better. These lessons have taught us to treat our houses as shrines for all our best items, but never actually use them. You were simply following the rules of life, until now. Please do not judge yourself, do not feel guilty, you are simply beginning from here, where you are. The only thing you can do is begin to question why you have been saving it and how you can make small changes to use your things.

To impress other people
You are not wearing your clothes or popping the champagne to impress other people or win a popularity contest. You are embracing all that you have been given because something happens when we stand in our power and say yes. This is not about other people, this is about awakening something inside of you that’s been hidden at the back of your closet. 

Not for everyone
I will not sit here and convince you. There is something about this idea that resonates with people, I’ve seen it over and over again. I know deep down that people need to be given permission to love and use their belongings and I am here to give you that permission. If you do not want permission, then keep going, revel in saving your things and keeping them pristine. If however, you are starting to think there is more to life than full closets and nothing to wear, then keep reading. I love this idea and want to shout it from the rooftops! You are worthy of having and using your things!

Is there anything I missed? What does this idea mean to you?!

Someday when…

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I am finally releasing my blog to the world. A couple of years ago I created this site, but never publically said “here it is.” I’m nervous, excited, and ready to see where it takes me. This idea of using our best has settled into the deepest recesses of my brain and won’t let me forget it. I see it everywhere, all the time. I saw it when I read and watched Marie Kondo. She helped me find the items with the biggest sparks and the most joy, so why couldn’t I bring myself to use them?

I saw it when with laughter and honesty Brene Brown taught me to lean into vulnerability, and that it’s OK to do things that cause us emotional exposure. So why did it feel so vulnerable to walk out of my house in my best dress? 

I saw it daily in my own closet when I would go to reach for my nicest top, yet never wore it out of the house, because tomorrow, or later, was a better time.

The biggest area I kept seeing my fear was in putting off releasing this blog. Later, next month, when I’m ready and it’s perfect. Well, after a couple of years I started to realize later wasn’t coming. So, here it is. Not perfect, but showing up. 

I believe that’s a big part of it, showing up in your best dress when you’re unsure. 

Lighting the candle when you’re not sure the experience will match your expectations. 

Using the good china even though there’s a risk you’ll chip it. 

I don’t have this figured out. I still have some dresses I struggle to wear, and some shirts I would hate to spill on. What I do know is I’m getting better. I use all my fancy glasses, I light all my candles, and I drink all the good alcohol. I’m learning and growing and doing this, risk and all, and I hope you’ll join me. 

This is where you’ll find me. Figuring out why we hold ourselves back from using our stuff and offering tools, methods, and mantras for how to change that.

I hope you’ll join me as we…

🕯️ Light the candles

🍽️ Use the good china

👗 Wear the dress

🥂 Drink the champagne

🎨 Play with the art supplies

I’m done with waiting for someday when, and I hope you are too.

Photo Jen Newman Photography

Lessons from my commute

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More than anything, biking to work serves as a daily reminder of the journey of life. 

In biking it’s all about timing the lights. Coming to a full stop, losing momentum, with the bonus of forgetting to gear down? You earned yourself back sweat and a disgruntled rider. 

Without even trying, biking becomes a competitive game of “can I pass that person?” When I pass someone on my commute I automatically feel like a winner. I never take into account a head start, momentum, a higher starting point on a downhill. No, it’s just my skill. And yet, when that same person comes flying past me and I’m a sitting duck at a newly turned green, I’m fuming. Them? Again? I just passed them? 

Pass someone who is stopped at the bottom of a hill, and you have the full momentum of mother gravity you feel like a grinning bat straight out of hell. Cackling as you speed by. And yet, cycling, like life, has a way of humbling you. Suddenly it’s you hitting the next red, and you’re being passed by a runner (it was uphill and his legs went on for days, while my stubs were barely keeping the chain turning).

In life I think we divide up success as the distance between two lights. We focus on getting ahead of people in the short term, instead of realizing it’s about how we ride the whole course, not simply light to light. If I get ahead of that person first, if I buy a house, land the job, find the husband, then I’m winning. But it’s not about the space between lights, it’s about where you’re going (hold onto your helmets, this is about to get cheesy). 

While you’re busy watching the other person sail past you, you’re too green with envy to notice what set that person up for success. They got a head start, they had the help of gravity, their bike is lighter and faster, they had the luck of timing. None of that I can control, but I can control my ride. I can change my mindset from lights to long term. Instead of wanting to get everything first, what about securing the foundation to a happy life? 

And isn’t that life? Sure their instagram is lit, and they suffer for nothing, but I’m working focusing on enjoying the ride and where I’m headed, not beating my fellow commuters. Aren’t we all just trying to get where we’re going?

My Ode to Cycling

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I have the joy of biking to work. 

Though I stand by calling it a joy, I have to do a shoutout to all the bike lane dwellers.  We earn our (reflective) stripes through biking in the dark, the wet, and the windy. To the cyclists who frequent the bike cage all year round, my helmet off to you! For those who fall into the fairweather biking category, listen up.

Winter does not smile on the cyclists. The surprisingly vulnerable part of the body when biking? The ears. Those in the car crank the heat. Those at the bus stop pull their lapels higher. The cyclists? They bike on valiantly, cursing themselves for forgetting their buffs, yet again, and swearing tomorrow will be different.

Read no further before you are reminded of the curse of the wet socks. The days at work when fate would have it that I squelch around with wet feet because my rain booties, rain pants, and fenders just didn’t cut it. Did I mention that I never thought I would be THAT cyclists who justified rain booties. You don’t make the decisions, they make you.

I could go on about looking like a flashing christmas tree on wheels, the cars that own the middle of the road oblivious to the meaning of a bike route, or the awkwardness of paniers, but I digress

My commute is my process time. Some people have yoga mats, others their meditation pillows, I have the motion of my legs, and the time to let the day fall away. Something about spinning those wheels in a productive way that really soothes the brain. The patient that yelled at me, the lack of resources or my weary feet, become less poignant, and by the time I’m dismounting, laughing with my coworkers and the beauty of the ocean have replaced it all. 

How I got off my phone and on with my life

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I wanted to stop mindlessly using my phone to entertain me, and learned from author Cal Newport that I shouldn’t expect to simply stop using my phone, I had to replace it with other things.

Enter, permission to do ALL the things

I picked up my crochet hooks for the first time in years. I was rusty at first, but now have toques for my niece and husband.

I went to the library and got a stack of books. I now read before bed and never leave the house without a book

I started listening to an audiobook and made a rule I could only listen when moving- on went the runners and I started looking forward to enjoying the Fall changes alongside plot changes. 

I started blogging again- seriously I stopped consuming media and instead make my own!

If you limited your phone time what could you do/make/accomplish/experience/love? What did you use to love to do before you learned to swipe? Think about it.